Yoh! Skunk and me got into big trouble yesterday. We found some stuff on the bookshelf that we could reach – just. So we helped ourselves and carted it off to the lounge carpet to indulge in a bit of a chew. Mom found us a few minutes later and boy did she yell. Turned out it was the pencils she’d bought for the poor kids for Christmas. She explained to us that some kids don’t have stuff and that it was very mean of us to steal them.
Skunk the punk groveled under the sofa, mortified. I just sat on her foot. Slobbers and licks to the little kid who gets the coloured pencils festooned with my fearsome fang marks.
It’s quite good actually. Skunk’s legs grew overnight and he can easily reach places that I find a tad difficult. He’s a lot lighter than I am too and not quite as clumsy.
Well, not that I’m exactly clumsy hey, just sort of … kind of… solid, you know.
So anyway, Skunk is silently sneaky – I’m the decoy – do something cute and funny – everybody looks at me and laughs while Skunk creeps up from behind, with a quick sniff, zaps the chosen treasure right out from under their nose.
Like take Ernest for instance – yesterday he was slapping some cement in between the tiles that Mom laid next to the pool (yah – she really did, Alpha and I helped her too) and when he put his tools down – Skunk sidled up and nabbed one of them, whisked it off under the wendy house where we could decorate the handle with nifty little chew marks.
Think Ernest got a bit miffed with us after the third or fourth time that he could not find his cement thingy.
Have to explain something about Emma. She likes black. A lot. Her curtains are black, her duvet is black, she wears mainly black clothes and Slayer, her cat is b }€ her catv h b }€ hlack too. This is a problem because if I manage to sneak into her room, Slayer blends into the black-ground.
By the time I’ve sniffed out the furry moggy, she’s moved up to higher ground and sits smirking at me in the gloom. She’s an SPCA (Society for the Prevention of the Cruelty to Animals) special you know – grew up with dogs yapping and barking – so she’s brilliant at ignoring us completely. She’s also disdainful, snooty and quick with her hooky things if we give her too much trouble.
I’m not at all sure why cats were invented – except they do feel nice if you sit on them.
Sometimes Slayer yowls to be let out of Em’s room in the morning. She’s just being a lazy fur-ball because she’s got a perfectly fine open window to use. Although I guess she gets her royal highness paws wet en route to the kitchen.
Despite Mom’s best efforts to only open the door a sliver, I barged my way into the room. It’s quite nifty now that I’ve grown a bit – with a smidgen of effort I can lever myself up onto the bed – especially when there are lots of clothes lying on the floor – this makes it a whole bunch easier. Then I go slobber on any bits of Emma that I can find sticking out of the duvet and lie over her tummy. She makes these cool ooeefy noises and tries to push me off – but hah – my fine furry bod is quite weighty, especially when I want it to be. I can make it even longer too – by stretching my legs to maximum capacity and lolling my tongue out at the other end.
Skunk the punk hasn’t quite got the hang of getting all his legs onto the bed yet, so he just leaps around the sides, yapping and smiling like a demented ninja turtle.
When Em is not looking Skunk does one of his sneaky moves and nicks something interesting, like her make-up brush, socks or a sneaker and he charges off – outside – where she can’t see us. If it’s her lucky day, Mom might find us quickly, before we’ve customized her stuff too much. I swear that Mom has eyes in the back of her head – just how does she know we are doing something wicked when we are not even in the same room?
Emma has a friend who comes to visit a lot. I like him – he’s the sweaty jock type, so he always smells good. But I fancy his bicycle even more. He doesn’t know this, but when he’s not looking I sneak outside and sniff his tires.
Just can’t wait until I’m old enough to lift my leg.